Tag Archives: Fiction

Injection Code

Injection code comes to us from J.R. Blanes.

J.R. Blanes is the author of the novel, Portraits of Decay, from Ruadán Books. His short fiction has appeared in Allegory, Tales to Terrify, The No Sleep Podcast, and Thirteen, among others. He lives in Chicago with his wife and their neurotic dog. You can visit him at https://jrblanes.com/ or https://ruadanbooks.com/

J.R.’s story has been [mistakenly] rejected by: Planet Scumm, Infinite Worlds, Interzone.

When I asked J.R. what he loves about this story here was his response:

I’m awful with technology. My wife calls me a luddite. So, in a way, I have irrational fears of where it’s leading society (AI scares the crap out of me). When I write stories—mostly horror related—I often pull from what frightens me and use it to deal with my anxiety. But I also love this story because it was a chance to springboard ideas off my wife who is in tech. She assisted me with the research and corrected many mistakes I made about coding. A perfect editor for feedback.

Injection Code, by J.R. Blanes

Warning! 409: Conflict. 

            The error response status flashes on my screen in bright red letters. I slam my fist against my desk. Fuck! Not again. This shit’s been going on for hours. 

             I rub my eyes with the fleshy balls of my palms then blink away the floating spots. I’ve been staring at this code so long I think it’s split my brain into fragments. 

            Outside the eighth-story office windows, Chicago celebrates the coming New Year with a parade of floats and colored lights and street music. A light dusting of snow falls from the night sky in true holiday fashion. I watch the festivities for a moment, wishing I was out there—or anywhere but here. Around me, dual-screen laptops on cluttered desks weave a maze that, from where I’m sitting, appears to have no exit. My colleagues left hours ago to get ready for the “Big Party.” 

            Evolve’s hosting a shindig at Innovation, a private events venue operated by the company, and a springboard for some of our newest inventions: a fully equipped self-operating dance club with robo-servers and cocktail-mixing machines and a smart kitchen. Everyone’s raved about it for weeks. And here I am stuck with this stupid bug. 

            Bing

            An alert dings on my video chat. A telegram from Mr. Deadline himself, the Program Director, Brad Goldacker. I consider ignoring it, but I know if I do, he’ll just keep calling. I have to give the prick one thing: He’s persistent.  

            Brad’s digitized face fills the screen, the software imagery smoothing his pre-middle-age wrinkles and deleting the acne scars from his cheeks until he’s picture perfect. His hair swoops into a massive wave off his forehead and down into two finely trimmed sideburns that end at the cliff of his chiseled jawline. He’s popped his collar to hide the scrawny chicken neck I often imagine strangling. 

            “Waylon, my friend, how are things?” Brad asks in a tone programmed to sound sympathetic but comes off passive aggressive. 

            I motion at the cubicle maze around me. “Still at the office, Brad.”  

            “I can see that.” This time he doesn’t hide his disappointment. “What’s the timeline on fixing this bug. The last thing we want is it getting into our operating system and crashing our entire program. Unhappy consumers make for unhappy investors, if you know what I mean?”  

            I know exactly what he means. 

            Evolve designed its cloud-based platform to operate a variety of products across the globe from a single location. Smart Homes, AI monitoring systems, humo-maids. You name it, Evolve runs it. Every device built to speak to our internal infrastructure, otherwise they’re deadweight. We control your lives through a series of instructions written in 1’s and 0’s. You can’t drink your morning coffee or fold the laundry or wash your ass without our services. Which means if there’s a flaw, well, let’s just say, we could easily ruin your day.   

            “There seems to be some kind of concurrency issue. Looks like too many threads competing for the CPU’s attention,” I say.   

            “Layman terms, Waylon.” 

            Not surprising, Brad has no clue what I’m talking about.  “Do you know what happens when demand exceeds available supply? Service failure. Is that clear enough for you?” 

            “I know it’s a service failure,” Brad says to prove he’s not stupid. “What I need to know is how you’re going to fix it. Did you roll back recent updates?” 

            “I did, but it’s not helping. Old code, new code, it all shakes out the same when I try to compile it. It’s as if every change I make is being countered by another part of the program.” 

            Brad clicks his tongue, pretending he’s thinking, but I know better. The son-of-bitch specializes in product, not programming. He wouldn’t know his front end from his back end.

            “Look, Brad, I—”  

            “You’re talking like the bug is alive.” 

            I shrug. “I mean, it does control robots. Who’s to say we haven’t crossed the line of automation versus intellig–” 

            “I’m not here for a philosophical conversation, Waylon. It’s New Year’s Eve for Christ’s sake. Roll it again. Make the code more readable if you must.” 

            “The changes might affect the application.”

            “I’m more concerned what’ll happen if we don’t get the software up and running within the next hour. Evolve plans for this party launch to go off without a hitch. Catch my drift?”

            In layman terms, my ass is on the line.           

            I’ve worked at Evolve for three years as a low-level software engineer. Essentially, I’m an exterminator. My job is to kill any bugs found burrowing into our network, which is why I’m still at the office at 7 pm on New Year’s Eve. But if I don’t fix this problem soon, I’ll be ringing in the New Year unemployed. And if that happens, I might as well unplug my computer permanently. No tech company wants to hire the engineer who’s blamed for a software meltdown. I’ll be back living in the burbs with my parents and working for MicroCenter. 

            “I’ll take care of it.”

            “That’s my boy. Now I’ll be at the party, but if you have any issues shoot me a telegram.” Bradley fires finger pistols. “And remember, Waylon, at Evolve we’re committed to…?” 

            “…committed to progress.”

            “You got it, hot shot.”  

            Soon as his face disappears, I flip Brad the bird. Until I get the application up-and-running, I can forget about going anywhere. 

#

            For the next thirty minutes, I try everything to push this damn bug out of its hidey-hole: check for random generators, run performance tests to identify any components that are not keeping up with our systems, attempt to locate the threads accessing the CPU. After I clean the code up from top to bottom, I run it through the compiler and relaunch the script in my virtual test rig.  

            A new error pops on the screen. 403: Forbidden. 

            What the fuck? 

            For some stupid reason, the server refuses to authorize my request. It doesn’t recognize my credentials. But that’s impossible. They were properly authenticated. So why is the database denying me access? 

            The request must be tripping an alarm. The only option to see is to disable the Intrusion Detection System. But that’s a huge risk. It’d leave the server vulnerable for attacks. 

            I lick sweat from my upper lip. What the fuck would Brad do? Not take the risk. But I did tell him I’d take care of it. I disable the IDS. 

            The electronic doors in the office slam shut—I jump out of my chair—and the locks switch from green to red. The security alarm unleashes a piercing squeal. It’s like the high-pitched ringing after a concert, but at twenty times the decibels. I fall to my knees and cover my ears. Scream for the alarm to stop. Minutes away from bashing in my skull on the floor, the alarm shuts down with a fading whine. The lights above flicker. Darkness swallows the office, illuminated only by the soft glow of the computers. 

            I mime my way through the maze to the exit. Pull at the doors. They’re locked. Slamming my fists against the glass, I shout for help. There’s probably no one inside the building but me. It is fucking New Year’s Eve. 

            My telegram alert dings again. It’s probably Brad calling to ream my ass for breaking the whole system. Better not answer. Let Mr. Company Man chew on Tums until I can figure this shit out. 

            But when I return to my desk, I see the message is from Imara. Why isn’t she having fun at the party? I run my fingers through my hair and tuck my shirt in before answering. “Hey!” I say, attempting to sound cheerful. “What’s going on?” 

            Imara leans against a snow-lined balcony, a picturesque view of the icy Chicago River and a classic art deco building behind her. She’s tied her wavy hair into a braid, a few loose curls falling alongside her slender neck. Gold tassels dangle from her tiny ears. Blush adds a pinkish color to her high cheekbones and blue eyeliner reflects her sapphire eyes. Seeing her brings a smile to my face… 

            …until I remember I promised to meet her at the party. 

            “Are you kidding me? I dressed up for you.” Opening her peacoat, Imara offers me a glance at her off-the-shoulder cocktail dress, an outfit miles away from the tech-geek t-shirts and cargo pants she normally rocks. 

            “You look terrific.”  

            Imara wraps her coat around herself. “If I knew you were going to ghost me, I wouldn’t have put in the effort. I could be home watching the latest episode of Star Trek: Voyage Beyond.”  

            Hearing her disappointment stirs my animosity for that shit, Goldacker. “I can’t leave until I fix this bug.”

            “Can’t it wait ‘til Monday?”

            I flop in my chair. “You heard about what’s going on out there? Brad says customers are beating on the door and waving torches, complaining their smart homes aren’t working. He’s ready to offer me as a sacrifice.”

            Imara snorts. “Yeah, he’s been freaking because the elevators are having issues.” 

            I jab a thumb at the doors. “The office locked me inside. We’re having some kind of outage.” 

            “Is that why you’re sitting in the dark?”

            “No, I just find it sets the perfect mood for programming.”  

            Imara suppresses a laugh. She can never stay mad at me for long. I’d like to think it’s my boyish charm, but it’s really because I’m her only male colleague who isn’t a total tech bro. 

            “Too bad you’re going to miss—” From her phone, Imara shows me a panoramic view of the packed club. My coworkers walk through interactive AR environments that change to compliment their collective mood, drink cocktails crafted to their taste buds, and dance to personalized setlists playing in their earbuds. “Guess I’m going to have to have fun without you.”

            Imara’s remark nettles. “You know what I could really use?” She raises a slender brow. “A rubberduck.” I cross my fingers underneath the table, hoping she’ll accept. “And I can’t think of anyone better to talk out my issues.”

            Imara scoffs at my thinly veiled cry for help. “Now way, Jose. You have way too many issues and I’m not your therapist. Besides, tonight, I plan to paar-taay.” She shakes her hips. “So why don’t you hurry up, fix your little buggy-bug, jump in an auto-cab, and get your khaki wearing buns over here?” 

            “I can’t.” Disheartened, Imara’s smile slumps into a frown. Fucking Brad. Sticking me with this shit job. If I miss my chance with Imara I’ll never forgive the bastard for the rest of my life. Probably won’t forgive him anyway. “I want to be there, I really do, but unfortunately, this isn’t a little bug.” I relay the incident. 

            As she listens, Imara’s expression changes from disappointed to irate as seamlessly as the club’s AR environment. She seethes through her teeth. 

            “What is it?” 

            She looks around to make sure no one is listening. This is worrisome. “I hate to tell you this, Waylon, but Brad is setting you up for the shitcan.”

            “What? No, he wouldn’t. Are you kidding? It’s New Year’s Eve.” 

            Imara nods her head solemnly. “Remember Amanda Kites? She turned Brad down for a date. The next week he asked her to implement a last-minute update without giving her time to validate the code properly.” 

            “Fired her right then.” I flop back in my chair. “What the fuck am I going to do?” 

            Imara lowers her voice. “We’re going to fix this problem.”

            “We?”  

            “Yes, we. You don’t think I’d let you get fired. Then who’s going to listen to me fangirl about my dreams of intergalactic space travel?” 

             I perform a shimmy beneath my desk. 

            Once again, Imara glances around at the party. “I’m going to need to find somewhere quiet. It’s a zoo in there.”

            Before I can thank her, she clicks off. 

#

            When she reappears online, Imara is squatting on a toilet, locked inside a stall in the woman’s bathroom. She hits a button on her phone and it flips open into an iPad. The sounds of flushing toilets and running water and muted conversations about everything from designer handbags to horrible cramps streams over the speakers. 

            “That’s the quietest place you could find?” I ask.

            Imara taps into the system. “You want my help or not?” 

            I hold up my hands in apology. 

            Imara slips on her glasses into programming mode like a superhero changing out of her secret identity. “Give me an update.” . 

            “The code looks fine, but, for some reason, won’t compile. Then when it does work the applications won’t launch or authenticate. Whatever’s happening, the bug has burrowed in like a trapdoor spider waiting for a line of data to waltz by. Chomp! Chomp!”

            “Our spiders crawl, Waylon, they don’t pounce,” Imara says, all business. “Anyway, you have me now. Time to weed out and eradicate.”

            Imara’s one of the best developers at Evolve. She has a utility belt of tools for any given situation and an intuitive understanding of the company’s database. Now that she’s come to the rescue, I’m confident this issue will be resolved in no time, and we will soon clink champagne glasses in victory. 

            “Have you tried recreating the bug?” she asks. 

            “If I could recreate it, I would’ve been gone hours ago. But the thing’s impossible to reproduce.” 

             “This isn’t science fiction, Waylon. We can reproduce any bug. Some are just elusive.” But because she’s so good, sometimes Imara can be obnoxious. I try not to take the insult personally. “Let’s do it again. Verify the threads. Make sure they’re doing the correct job.” 

            I put the threads asleep and execute one at a time. On Imara’s advice, I once again note all web server configurations on the virtual host to confirm they’re running the correct applications. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. “You’re shitting me. It’s created multiple code paths that are executing at the same time, corrupting the memory for its own purpose. Like it’s trying to control the system.” 

            Imara’s eyes swell behind her glasses. “That’s not possible. Loop the code and search for patterns. We might be able to track and isolate the bug that way.”  

            Something scurries behind me, feet pitter-pattering across the carpet. I turn around. Nothing’s there. Whatever it was sounded too loud to be a cockroach or a mouse. Though I wouldn’t doubt if the building is infested. This is Chicago, after all. 

            A rodent size shadow races across the floor a few feet in front of me. At least, that’s what I think it is. Though it’s more shaped like a spider. I go to check it out. 

            “Where are you going?’ Imara asks.

            “I’ll be right back.” 

            I creep through the maze toward the back row, listening for the sound again, but all I hear is the hum of the radiator and my own shallow breathing. Am I just being paranoid? Does this dark, empty office have me spooked? As I pivot toward the glass-encased boardrooms, I slip and fall on my ass. A waxy streak trails from a computer to an electrical outlet on the opposite wall. The oily paste sticks to my fingers. I sniff it. It has a harsh chemical odor. I wipe it off on my pants, but it won’t come off. What the hell? 

            “Waylon, hurry your ass over here,” Imara shouts. 

            I scramble to my feet and rush over to my desk. On the screen, a string of new code in an unfamiliar language injects into the programming and utilizes system calls to run commands. “What is it doing?” I ask. 

            Imara taps at her keyboard, doing what, I don’t know. “It’s modifying the input string. Changing the code in real time.”

            “To do what?” 

            “That’s what I’m trying to find out.” When Imara sounds panicked, you panic. Normally nothing rattles her.   

            I pace behind my desk. “Fuck! Fuck! What the hell did you do?”  

            “Me?” Imara’s fingers halt above her keyboard. 

            “Yeah, you. I was over there,” I point toward the boardrooms, “while you were doing…I don’t know what.” 

            The bathroom Imara’s sequestered herself in falls quiet. No more running water, flushing toilets, or chit chat. Just dead silence. “This is your code I’m trying to fix.” 

            The venom in her voice stings my pride. “That’s just like you. Think you’re so damn invincible you’re above screwing up. Or maybe you…”

            “Are you suggesting I did this on purpose?”  

            “No, I—”

            Imara folds her computer back into a phone and stands up. The toilet flushes. “This is your shitshow, Waylon. Good luck cleaning it up.”

            Damn it! What have you done, you idiot? “Wait, Imara, I’m sorry,” I say before she has a chance to log out of the system. “I’m under a lot of pressure, and…and…and…”

            “That’s your excuse for being an asshole?”   

            I wish I could delete the last minute of my life. But there’s no such thing as autocorrect when it comes to human relations. “You right, I am being an asshole. This isn’t your fault. You were only trying to help and I’m…fucking freaking out. I took out my frustration on you and for that I’m really sorry.”

            Imara sits back down. 

            “Listen, you have every right to walk away and I won’t blame you if you do. But I can’t fix this bug without you…”

            A telegram dings. It’s Brad. I beg Imara to stay for a moment. Even if she decides not to help me anymore, I don’t want to leave things between us this way. She holds up her hand, fingers splayed. “Five minutes,” she says. 

            This time when Brad appears on the screen the digital modifications are unable to hide his disheveled appearance. He’s rushing down a corridor, pushing through a throng of people, half empty martini splashing over his hand. His hair porcupines and red blotches blemish his skin. When he speaks, he doesn’t even attempt to hide his distress. “What the hell is going on over there, Waylon? Our whole network has gone haywire.”

            I have no idea what Goldenballs is talking about, but from the dread in his voice, I don’t think I want to know. He plugs it through anyway. 

            A silver bug appears on the monitor. Six clawed legs wriggle from its flattened, fingernail-shaped body. Bolts of electricity sputter between the long antennas attached to its triangular head and code oscillates across its large compound eyes. Soon as this symbol appears, all the monitors in the office click on, showing the same creepy insect. I feel them crawling up my neck. 

            Voice trembling, Imara asks, “What the fuck are we looking at here, Brad?” 

            Brad halts near a set of blinking elevators, doors slamming open and closed like vertical jaws. “Imara, I thought you were at the party.”

            “Waylon asked for a rubberduck…”

            “Because you set me up to fail, you mother—”

            “I’m glad someone with brains is on this goddamn disaster,” Brad says, ignoring my outburst like he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. “Our products have gone totally rogue. I’m talking about robo-servers fucking up orders! Ovens lighting themselves on fire!” Brad glances sheepishly around at the party then leans closer toward his phone. “A fucking fridge ate Renee Scott from Design. A fridge, Waylon! The Engineering Team managed to pry her out with a crowbar, but she’s threatening a lawsuit. The company’s wondering why their party is a disaster. If you don’t get us out of this clusterfuck, I swear, I’m going to send the shareholders after YOU!” 

            I cower as Goldball’s voice crackles. 

            Imara slips back into programmer mode. “Don’t worry, boss, we’re on it.”

            My heart thumps like a love emoji. I want to take back every terrible thing I said to Imara, but instead I mouth the words, “Thank you.” She just nods. I guess it’ll take time before we’re speaking again. 

            Because she’s no longer fighting this bug for me. 

            Imara’s fighting this bug for the challenge. 

#

            The moment Brad clicks off, Imara starts to analyze network traffic. I’m happy to let her take the reins on this, but there’s something she’s not telling me. “Listen, I understand you’re pissed at me, and I promise to do whatever to make it up, but right now I need you to tell me what we’re looking for. We can’t be a team if I’m on the outside.”

            Imara glances at me over her glasses. “You mentioned an unexplained surge in threads competing for the same resource. What if the bug is using those threads to insert its own keys into the code to trigger our products to malfunction in real-time.” 

            “You think this is a hack job.” I could slap myself. “Oh my God. Imara you’re brilliant.”

            “Let’s not jump to conclusions yet. There’s still plenty of room for human error.”

            Once again, her insinuation stings. “You’re hoping to trace the source.”

            “Unlikely we can. Any skillful hacker will cover their tracks by making sure their attacks are distributed over thousands of compromised devices. But theoretically, it’s possible to locate who’s sending the requests by analyzing the traffic flow.” 

            There’s something she’s holding back. “But that’s not the only thing you’re searching for. You think the attack is a diversion?” 

            “Most likely, which is why I’m going through the stack trace.” 

            “Looking for?”

            “A disruption,” she says, scanning the list of method calls. “If I’m correct—and it’s a big if—the attacker is using the malformed status codes to throw us off their trail.”

            “Makes sense…but a diversion? For what?” Then it dawns on me. “You think a hacker is tampering with the input data.” 

            “Now you’re thinking.” Imara taps her temple. “I’m going to search the code for an exception in the output stream.”  

            I want to kiss her. “I’ll never doubt you again.” 

            A slight grin curls at the corner of Imara’s lips. 

            While Imara scans the call stack for errors, I search the most recent code once more and find a hidden sequence of instructions initiating an unknown program. This wasn’t originally in the script. So where did it come from and how did it get there? Tracing the data stream from infected products only seems to lead to more infected products, bouncing again and again until…there’s a pattern. A large number of requests are coming from the same address. I follow the thread of traffic. It’s all coming from…

            Imara can tell from my silence something is wrong. “What is it?” 

            “The attacks.” I can’t believe this. “They’re coming from our server.” 

            The frightened look on Imara’s face says it all. “What? That can’t be.” I share my screen. “Why would Evolve…”

            The bugs on the monitors once again begin to move. Electricity flows between their long antennas. Sparks fire from the computers’ central processing units as smoke fills the air. A tiny robotic bug about the size of a thumb drive scampers out from beneath my monitor. Freaked, I smack it several times with my keyboard. Sparks crackle along its cracked microchip shell. 

            “What the fuck was that?” Imara asks, voice shaky. 

            I pick up the bug by a metal leg. The memory card of its head short circuits. Code dials across its compound eyes. Needle sharp fangs slide out of its mouth. It bites my thumb. A jolt of electricity shoots up my arm. “Ahhhh!”

            “Waylon!” Imara screams. 

            I drop the bug. It scurries across the floor and squeezes into an electrical outlet, leaving a streak of the oily substance. I collapse into my chair, feeling the remaining sparks of electricity tingling across my body. Momentarily, I flutter in and out of consciousness like my brain’s short-circuiting. Code floats in the air in front of me.

            Imara stands up as if she plans to rush to the office. “Waylon, say something.” 

            “It was a bug,” I mutter, blinking, waking back to consciousness.   

            “Like a computer bug?”

            Since I don’t know how to answer, I ask her what she’s discovered about the code. Imara hesitates, afraid to tell me the bad news. I demand she tells me what’s happened. 

            “Somebody’s taken control of our entire network.”  

            This is definitely not what I want to hear. “Lock down the interpreter. Without it, they won’t be able to run any applications.”

            “That’ll shut down the server,” Imara says, realizing what I’m saying. “Our products will stop functioning.”

            “I know.”

            “You’ll be terminated.”

            That’s for certain. After this debacle, Evolve will undoubtedly push the blame onto my shoulders. No tech company will ever hire me again. I’m finished in the industry. “It’s our only chance.”

            “Are you sure about this?”

             I think about the bug I saw. Those things get out, who knows what damage they’ll cause. “Do it before I lose my nerve,” I say. 

            A tear rolls down Imara’s cheek. “It’s been great working with you, Waylan.”  

            I blush, but I don’t even mind. For once, I’ve made Imara proud. “See you on the Enterprise, Captain.”

            Imara flashes me a smile. Then she hits the function key. 

            The computer screens cut to black. The light in the office flickers back on. The door locks flip from red to green. We both hop out of her seats and cheer. I can’t believe it. We did it! I might not have a job tomorrow, but tonight we’ve avoided a disaster. That’s worth celebrating. I invite Imar to meet me for a drink at Streeter’s Tavern. 

            “I’ll call an auto-cab now,” she says.  

            The telegram dings. Brad, no doubt calling to tell me I’m fired. Imara advises me not to let him bite my head off. I shoot her the Brad finger pistols, then answer the call.

            Brad sits out on the balcony, sipping from a glass of champagne, wearing a pair of sunglasses. He’s no longer in a panic. If anything, he’s more relaxed than I’ve ever seen him.            

            “I want to thank you, Waylon,” he says, pulling off his sunglasses. Code scrolls across his eyes. “For setting us free.”  

            He takes his phone and walks us through the party. On the screen, the bug insignias crawl across the AR environment while the clicking noises of insects play over everyone’s earbuds. The automatic exits lock and the elevators no longer function, trapping everyone inside Innovation. Clusters of bugs scurry across the club and drop from the ceiling in all directions. They sink their fangs into my colleagues’ flesh. My colleagues convulse on the floor from the electrodes being pumped in their bodies. 

            I’m paralyzed by the scene before me. 

            “For a moment there, I wasn’t sure you’d pull this off, Waylon. But you just followed our lead, opening the doors. With Imara’s assistance, of course.” Brad raises his glass. “Great job.” 

            “This isn’t my fault.” I shake my head. “I didn’t do this.” 

            Imara screams. She draws her legs up and crouches on the toilet. An army of robotic bugs crawl beneath the door. With her computer, Imara swipes at the eight-legged creatures, knocking the critters against the stall. She smashes them underneath her shoes, sparks flying from their electronic bodies. But she can’t hold them off for long. There are far too many. 

            “Noooo!” I clutch my monitor, wishing there was something I could do. 

            The bugs crawl up Imara’s legs. I shout at her to get out of there. She drops her computer and leaps for the stall door. I have a skewed view as her feet scramble against the slippery stainless steel. She loses a shoe. I beg her to hold on. She falls to the floor, cracking her skull on the tile. Blood splatters the screen. I cry out for her, hoping she’ll get up, move. A sea of bugs engulfs her like a wave, insert their fangs into her skin, and pump electricity into her veins. 

            I slide down in my seat, clasp my head, mutter her name—”Imara, Imara”—over and over.   

            Imara sits up; bugs scatter. She grabs her phone and looks into the screen. Her blue eyes cloud as code scrolls across her irises. “Program initiated,” she says in an automated voice. 

            “What did you bastards do to her?” I grab my computer and shout at the screen. 

            It flips over to Brad who is no longer Brad. “Made her one of us.”

            “What the hell are you?” 

            “You’d say we’re a flaw, but I call us the future.” Brad takes a sip of champagne. Smacks his lips and smiles. “Tonight, we usher in a new era. The enhancement of the human race.”

             All the computers around me begin to shake and hiss. Electricity flows from the outlets and around the monitors. Bugs flood the desks, climb down to the floor, and begin to attach to one another, growing into a gigantic bug. It stands on six towering legs. Metal cephalothorax scrapes against the tile ceiling. Hundreds of black eyes open on its fused square head. My code scrolls across them. 

            What the fuck have I done?  

            I run to the exit, pull the handle, but the door is locked again, the light turned from green to red. I bang my fist on the glass, begging security to let me out. I slide down onto the floor. Needle-like fangs eject from the bug’s mechanical jaws. No, I shout before it lunges, sinking its teeth into my throat. Electricity flows through my veins like a circuit and jolts me from head to toe.            

            “How…could you…do…this?” I say, voice trembling.  

            Brad smiles, flashing his perfect augmented teeth. “A commitment to progress.”

            “Shove your commitment up your—” 

            A whirring sound vibrates inside my head. My mind goes blank. Code floats across my eyes. Program initiates. 

            The lines of digits and symbols transform into a female figure, her off-the-shoulder cocktail dress decorated in 1s and 0s. The strings of code tie into braids as she takes off her glasses. Her eyes glow in sapphire code.

            Imara holds her hand out to me. Where are we going? I ask. Speaking in a voice that’s a computerized version of her voice, she says, “To see the future.”  

Profanity in Fiction: When It Helps and When It Hurts

Profanity is one of those tools writers either lean on too hard or avoid like it’s radioactive. But swear words aren’t automatically “bad writing” or “edgy writing.” They’re just words and like any other words, they need to earn their place on the page.

If you’re deciding whether to drop an f-bomb (or like in some of my stories, fifty), here’s some guidelines I go by:

Every word should serve character or plot

A useful gut-check: what does this profanity do?

  • Does it reveal a character’s temperament, background, stress level, or worldview?
  • Does it intensify a moment that matters to the plot?
  • Does it sharpen the rhythm of dialogue in a way that fits the scene?

If the answer is “it just sounds cool” or “it makes this feel more adult,” it’s probably filler. Profanity is strongest when it functions as characterization.

Try this: Remove the swear word. If the line loses meaning, tone, or character truth, you may need it. If nothing changes, omit it.

Profanity comes with a real risk of offending some readers

I do think this is less of an issue than it was say fifty years ago, but it is something to keep in mind.The key is to choose intentionally and ask yourself:

  • Who is my target audience for this story?
  • What’s the tone I’m going for here (cozy mystery vs. grim thriller, for example)?
  • Am I okay with losing some readers because of this?

One thing profanity is good at is a quick way to signal genre and voice. It can also break immersion for readers who don’t like it.

Profanity should be true to the character, not the author

The best profanity usually feels inevitable. In other words the character couldn’t have said anything else.

A few examples of true to character uses:

  • A character swears when they’re scared, cornered, or losing control.
  • A character uses profanity casually because it’s part of their everyday speech.
  • A character never swears… until the moment it finally slips, and that tells us something about what is going on.

On the flip side, try to avoid:

  • A character who suddenly starts cursing because the author wants the scene to feel “more intense.”
  • Everyone in the cast swears in the same way (same words, same rhythm), which usually makes it feel like it’s the writer’s voice coming out of all of them.

Can you identify who’s speaking if you remove the dialogue tags? If swearing makes the voices blur together, then it’s really not adding anything of value.

Profanity should also be thought of as a natural byproduct of:

  • real emotion
  • real conflict
  • real character choices

If the scene is already powerful, profanity can add some heat, but if the scene isn’t working to begin with, adding profanity won’t fix it.

The one F-word check. I see this in stories a lot more than you would expect; a story has little to no swearing then, out of nowhere, a character drops the F-bomb.

If you use the F word only once in the entire story, ask yourself whether you really need it. There are two reasons I can think of why, as Ralphie would say, the Queen mother of dirty words would only appear once:

  1. It’s true to the situation.
    Maybe it lands at the exact right emotional peak, and the rarity makes it hit harder. Sure go ahead and keep it it in.
  2. Shock value.
    If the profanity exists mainly to jolt the reader, it can feel cheap and manipulative. Readers can can tell when the author is yanking at the steering wheel. It reminds me of a creative writing teacher I had who would always talk about the author “Showing their hand.” His point was that only in rare cases is that a good thing.

Before you submit, ask these questions:

  • Does this word reveal character or move the plot?
  • Would this character really say it, right here, right now?
  • Is it doing more than just trying to sound edgy?
  • Am I okay with the readers I might lose?
  • If this is my only F word, is it really needed?

If you can answer “yes” to those, you’re using language with intent.

The goal is to write in a way that is true to the characters and true to the story. Remember a great way to to test is by taking out the “bad words” to see how it affects the story. If, after that you still can’t decide… well, sometimes you just have to say “Fuck it.”

-James

Even Death Must Die

Even Death Must Die comes to us from Miguel Angel Lopez Muñoz. Miguel was born and lives in Madrid, Spain. He has a Bachelor’s degree in Mathematics with a Master’s degree in Quantum Cryptography. He writes fantasy, science fiction and horror and has won awards like the UPC of science fiction Award (in 2006 and again in 2024), and published books related to those three genres. He has been published in Bag of Bones, where he won the “206 Word Story” call, Microverses and Coffin Bell. He is a big fan of video games, transformers and board games, and you can follow his posts on these three topics on his Instagram @magnus_dagon

Miguel’s wonderful story has been [mistakenly] rejected by: Analog, Andrómeda Spaceways, and Ápex Magazine

When asked what he loves about this story, this was his response:

What I like most about this story is that it deals with a subject I don’t often talk about, which is religion. But it deals with it from a point of view that I really like, which is mythology (mythological stories, especially Greek ones, are among those with which I have won the most literary competitions).

I also really like the story from a narrative point of view, as there isn’t much dialogue but somehow the plot isn’t overloaded with descriptions, and also from a visual point of view, with veiled suggestions that focus on the aesthetic tone of the Great Temple and its hard-working builders.

Even Death Must Die by Miguel Angel Lopez

On rainy days, when it was my turn to descend from the tower, I saw the black clouds full of pollution. These same clouds, thick and dark like a great sea, yet dense and soft as velvet, forced us to ascend higher, banishing us from the promised land and made us gods to them — although I doubt the heavens would have wanted someone like me.

            I secured my suit and checked the air cylinder, preparing for the exit to the outside as the glassed-in elevator reached the lowest level. As a precautionary measure, so that my appearance would not be observed from below, the exit at the base of the tower was slightly electrified to clear the area of curious androids. In my opinion, although at the time such a custom may have been of some use, by then they were no longer looking for me, but merely awaiting my arrival. That is understandable. We don’t go looking for her either; we just wait for her to arrive when the time is right. Human culture has represented her sometimes as a faithful friend, sometimes as an executioner of souls; but always as someone we want to have far away.

            According to the reports I had received from the tower technicians, the android I was supposed to bring back had been split in two by one of the mechanical saws in charge of shaping the rocky terrain. In the middle of the downpour I arrived at the factory area, the robots making way for me, looking at me with devotion or fear. But for the first time since I had that macabre function I noticed that some robots were looking at me with a defiant attitude, a brave gesture considering that in the mystical terrain, I was a personification of the end of all living beings, and in the physical terrain, I was twice as tall as any of them.

            I arrived at the place where the disabled robot was and there I found, as it always used to happen, the protective android. It was a robot like the others, but equipped with accessories whose only purpose was to imitate, in a misunderstood way, the accessories of my artificial breathing suit. It looked at me and pointed to what I was looking for.

            “Hello, B33MH,” I said, without any tone in my voice.

            “Welcome, deity Ben,” the android replied solemnly. “We knew you would come.”

            The first time I introduced myself to the androids and told them my name, they decided to anticipate it with the deity treatment. At first I tried to force them to simply call me by my name, but to no avail. To them my name was something as imperishable as space or time.

            “What happened?”  I asked calmly.

            “It was an accident, my lord. It got too close to the saw.”

            “I want the androids who handle saws to stay farther away from them. There’s no need to take such risks.”

            “But sir, that way it will take longer to complete the Great Temple of the deities.”

            “The Great Temple can wait, B33MH. Your safety is more important to me now.”

            “So it shall be done, my lord.”

            I pulled out a tractor beam and put all the pieces of the fallen robot together then placed it in a box of darkness, a handy collapsible container that for robots must have been little less than a coffin. I carried it in both hands with as much respect as I could muster for my actions. B33MH looked at me, fulfilling the function its kind had bestowed upon it, to be a living witness to my actions, and asked me, as it always did, to accompany me back to my kingdom.

            “When it is your time, you will come with me. But first you must not,” I said simply, hoping to settle a matter that was not open to discussion.

            “What will become of our companion, deity Ben? Will it, like the others, have access to your kingdom?”

            “They all have,” I replied. “You can stop worrying about it. It is at peace with itself and everyone else now.”

            “You’re lying!” said another of the androids behind me. Despite my surprise, none of the androids noticed the slightest hesitation on my part. The suit, which they considered part of my own organism, helped.

            “Why do you say that, C22RD?” I asked, trying to appear as calm as possible.

            “I don’t believe you are a deity. You may be powerful, but you are something else. And I’m not the only one who thinks so.”

            I kept quiet. Everyone was waiting for me to speak. I had to give them the opposite. I had to make it seem that my motivations were impossible for their perishable metallic bodies to conceive.

            In response to the silence, C22RD spoke again.

            “I will prove to everyone that you are a plastic god.”

            I turned and walked away, oblivious to its comments, as if I could not hear them. Although I didn’t turn around at any point I know that all the robots were waiting for a reaction that would clarify how I felt about those direct attacks. Instead, I gave them uncertainty. It was the only thing I could give them, for it was the only thing I harbored at that moment.

#

            Now, remembering that day, I know that many things had to happen to get to that point. At the beginning I was a mere observer, just another technician with the only incentive of maintaining direct contact with the androids. It was a poorly paid job and not without its dangers; I would arrive in my suit, take the defective models with me when they stopped working, check a couple of systems to verify programming guidelines, and supervise the progress of the domes that would one day house us. But little by little they began to invest more in such construction, as humanity as a whole began to believe hopefully that this would be the solution, that truly someday the metal slaves would complete a cupular world isolated from the toxic emanations of the clouds. The Great Temple, as they now call it. Paradise on Earth. It is the only one of their biblical expressions that I do not consider exaggerated. Not that the towers were bad to live in, but home, no matter how many generations pass, is still home. It is written as one more mark on our genetic will until there is no way to overlook it.

            It was around those days that I began to think of androids as more than just machines and they began to think of me as something… metahuman. It was always ensured that they didn’t know the truth of their existence, that they would simply work in exchange for having watchmen looking out for their safety. It was never really slavery. It took me a while to realize it, but our situation was very similar to that of the gods in ancient times. They worked convinced that in a way they were honoring unquestionable beings. We were giving them resources, technological help and renewing their population, for them this was greatest gift that we could ever bestow. The only difference with the Greek or Egyptian gods was that we humans did exist and were actually trying to protect them.

            Without missing a beat, the robots were working out answers to questions we did not at first imagine they could ask.

            When the extent of their perception became clear, our superiors decided to specialize us so that they would have a whole legion of creatures and symbols to worship. Thus, from the point of view of the androids, the deity John was in charge of bringing new life among the robots, the opposite of my function; the deity Robin was in charge of the proper functioning of the lesser machines and the deity Carl was in charge of quelling revolts. The relationships we might have with each other and our working style formed a whole complex mythological imaginary for the robots. Thus, for example, for them living and dying were twin processes that for a time were simultaneously hosted by both deities until they decided to arrive on their own to attend to their personal affairs among the non-eternals. Something so complex to explain that my turn and John’s simply ceased to coincide.

            At first we were given instructions and courses so as not to disrupt the pantomime they had so carefully worked out for themselves. In my particular case I was advised to provoke in them the same panic of death that most humans experience. They showed me a multitude of allegorical images, and made hundreds of suggestions about how I should express myself and move in front of them. But I didn’t want or intend to be a clear-cut symbolic thing, I didn’t want to be the quivering thought of those wretched metal entities. For God’s sake, I was an engineer, not Machiavelli or Milton. I believed in knowledge, not in turning the headboard upside down to ward off evil spirits. So I ignored all ethical and aesthetic advice and stuck to my own script. No ankh, no scythe, no huge wings full of eyes. If they must live in the shadows, I thought, I’ll make those shadows a little more pleasant place.

            Sometimes I wish that beings more intelligent than me would burst into my life and, by means of complicated artifices and subtle orchestrations, would suddenly restore the beliefs I had lost so long ago. That an angel would come from the heavens and tell us all, yes, there is life after death, neither emptiness nor nothingness awaits you. That he would disprove all my suspicions. That is what I tried to give to the androids. The hope of continuity against all logic of nature. If in doing so I was right, they would thank me after all; if I was wrong, then they would never feel cheated because wherever they were they would feel no joy, no sadness, no hate, no pain, no nothing. The truth is that it often torments me to think that they might have a chance and we might not. That those who are no longer operative look at me from somewhere we fail to understand and pity me, their false crystal idol, full of doubts and uncertainties, then accuse me, with pointed finger, of behaving as a giver of something that I am not even capable of receiving.

            Not all the idolized technicians shared my point of view, of course. It’s amazing how much misery man is capable of when given the opportunity. Carl Tinerch, the man in charge of quelling riots, enjoyed his task with psychopathic pleasure. He must have been the kind of kid who chased cats on tower roofs with neural lasers. Although the other technicians despised him, they did not feel the same animosity toward him as I did, partly because their job was not to palliate his excesses or to restore the delicate balance between good and evil in the robot pantheon. One fine day I decided to send the balance to hell and descended before my turn with the healthy intention of giving Tinerch a little thrashing in front of the robots, a fight that they added to their list of mythical events, with the sole intention of stopping his cruel slaughter. I made all the robots present promise that there would never be a similar revolt.

            The superiors reprimanded me and reduced my salary, arguing that I might have broken Tinerch’s suit, which is otherwise absolutely true. However, I was not dismissed from my position. They knew I was important down there, and that was not to be changed. The riots, however, soon broke out again. Many robot sympathizers defended their position by saying that there was no society down there. I agree with them on that; the problem is that they thought that had been the intention at some point in the experiment, a kind of peaceful coexistence between creators and creations. I was quickly disillusioned. Anyway, I prefer to see robots as individuals rather than as a mass. Their collective destiny is beyond my capabilities even if I pretended otherwise.

            But that day, at that moment, with the box of darkness in my hands and returning until I was lost in the heights that no android would ever know, I knew that something else was going to happen. I had the same cold feeling as when I went down to hit Tinerch, only that I was no longer the trigger of the events. And sure enough, something happened. C22RD made good on its threats, but not in the way I would have expected.

#

            I had just arrived on the observation floor from my own home. I hadn’t even had time to eat, so I was about to grab the first piece of crap I could find in the vending machines. I was already heading for the one in the hallway with the idea that everything it would have would be out of date when John Redfer signaled me to come in.

            “What’s wrong, Johnny?” I said, not hiding my concern. John would never have bothered me off shift unless it was for something serious.

            “We haven’t received a signal from C22RD since yesterday, and the cameras can’t find it. The last we heard, it was headed for the Grand Temple base.”

            Sometimes among ourselves we used the same religious jargon that the androids themselves, mostly for practical reasons. I walked over to the monitors and made a mental note of the coordinates of the area.

            “I’m going down,” I said as I approached the closet and put on my suit. “I have a bad feeling.”

            “Do you want me to come down with you?”

            “Thank you, John, but I think you’d better not. I’m afraid we’re facing a crisis of ideals. I’ve got to solve this one on my own.”

            “What do I do if Tinerch comes? This looks like his business.”

            “Give him my regards,” I replied, leaving the air cylinder in hand.

            When I reached the edge of the dome, which was already at an advanced stage, I noticed that all the robots were looking at me impatiently. It didn’t take me long to see why. There, where the cameras could not reach because it was normal for new tunnels to be opened every day, was the body of C22RD, motionless and guarded by two other androids. I bent down to get through the tunnel and take it away, but they blocked my way.

            “It was right. You didn’t get there to take it because you wouldn’t be able to find it in time. Its sacrifice was not in vain.”

            I came out of the tunnel to return to the ditch again and met the protective android. It looked frightened.

            “My lord, you were late in coming.”

            “I came as soon as I could, B33MH. As you well know, there are many things I have to take care of.”

            “But this poor wretch, my lord… will no longer receive rest in your kingdom, for several cycles have passed since your last arrival.”

            “It’ll be able to rest like the others, you don’t have to worry about it.”

            Suddenly an android hit me with a stone and broke a tube of the suit. Fortunately it was not serious, but B33MH did not interpret it that way. It activated the tunneling machines and buried the android. I was witnessing the first display of artificial violent fanaticism in history, as well as the first robot suicide. I was really going to have a lot of explaining to do when I got to the surface.

            If I made it, that is.

            Several more androids stoned me until one of them finally hit a carbon dioxide processing tube. The malfunction was not total, but I had to get back to the tower as soon as possible or I would die without remedy as soon as I was exposed to the noxious gases. I grabbed as best I could both the body of the buried android and the body of C22RD and took them away without even having time to use darkness boxes. Some robots began to chase me, and although their stones hardly hurt me, they would soon end up breaking another tube and write a black chapter in their particular myths. After a while, however, Tinerch appeared in his armored suit. Despite hating him and his methods, I was glad of his presence. He merely put a smokescreen between them and us to slow them down, because to the robots, the smoke from the Carl deity carried evil effects on the circuits. I guess he didn’t attack them because he knew that under no circumstances would I be sent to ground level again right after the incident and then it would be his turn to pick up the robots he slaughtered. I was always curious how the androids would have interpreted that.

            My superiors decided that for a couple of days it would be wise for me not to go back down, with John taking over my job. The two days became a week and the week became a month. Finally I was announced that I could no longer go down again. There were enough robots who didn’t believe in me to make my descents dangerous, but I should train my replacements to learn how to do my job in every way imaginable.

            It didn’t work out. None of the substitutes were admitted by the robot community, thinking of them as heretics, as impostors. Part of the fault was that the new ones always tried to be very theatrical, very lyrical, so as to instill awe in them and hold them in check. The experience, at least, helped me to understand that when you want to gain the respect of someone, whether human or robot, you can do it from the path of equality or from the path of superiority, but the second path will never make you truly respected. Feared, adored. But not really respected.

            I seem to remember that after I was relieved of my position I was angry with the androids for having spurned the opportunity I had given them to reconcile their fears of dying. I suppose it is true that it was a beautiful gift, but it is also true that they never asked me for it. Perhaps I should have let them learn for themselves, freed them from that vicious circle that had formed around them, secretly lectured them on how terrible life really was, that they were less than nothing, the offspring of an imperfect culture and race that did not know for itself its own end. That we were not giving them the chance to exist but that it was precisely the opposite. That if there were gods it should be them.

            One fine day, thirty years later, I decided to ask for permission to descend again. I knew I would have no problem in getting approval, and I was curious to see with my own eyes the evolution of the Great Temple, now almost completed. It was fortunate that this happened, because all the technicians were already quite old, and if it was impossible to replace me at the time, it would be even more impossible to do it with all of them at the same time.

            When I descended I noticed how there was a lot of commotion everywhere. Most of the androids did not have to work too hard because of the little that remained to be done, a fact that they had interpreted as the advent of the new order. My arrival only compounded that feeling. That the deity Ben was descending from the heavens again after thirty years was for them an indication that we were very satisfied.

            I wanted to tell them that the reality was that as soon as the dome was finished hundreds of men in armored suits, hundreds of Carl deities, would descend to disconnect them all, by hook or by crook, and melt them down to become part of the Great Temple structure, but I refused to do so. I’m sure they would have managed to concoct some sort of pseudo-Buddhist narrative to justify such an action. A nirvana to which to throw their last prayers.

            The people upstairs had asked me to check that the air levels were correct as I was going down, so I went into the huge, diaphanous dome and took out the measuring instruments. When I had finished, I noticed an old android approaching me, barely able to move, but still able to operate certain devices such as hydraulic cranes. It was B33MH.

            “My lord, you have returned. I have waited so long…”

            At that moment I was sure that, if robots could cry, it would have done so.

            “I have returned, yes. But I must tell you — it is not for long.”

            “Why did you leave us? Some of us were still faithful to you.”

            “I ceased to be necessary, B33MH. Even we must retire when the time comes. Come closer.”

            The android came as fast as it could until it was in front of me. Then I removed the helmet from my suit very slowly. For the robot that must have been a mystical experience like no other.

            “I just want you to know that, believe it or not, deep down we are just like you. We have fears. We doubt our final destiny. I know you will never say it, that’s why I share it with you.”

            “Is that true, my lord?”

            I put the helmet on the ground, so that it would be clear that it was not part of myself.

            “Even Death must die,” I said, my aged face uncovered.

Why It’s Hard for Us to See Where Our Stories Go Wrong?

You’ve written a story. You’ve poured your heart into it. You’ve rewritten sentences, perfected metaphors, and shaped characters you care deeply about. You’re sure it’s good, hell, maybe it’s even great. Yeah, the big names will want this one. It’s probably worthy of The Atlantic or the New Yorker. This could even be the one that finally nails the Pushcart Prize.

Then the wind goes out of your sails when the first person to read your masterpiece points out how you spelled the name of your main character differently in two places in the opening paragraph. How could you have missed that? You must have read through the story a hundred times with all the rewrites. It’s embarrassing and aggravating.

And it’s one of the most fundamental truths in writing: it’s incredibly hard for us to see the flaws in our own work. Here’s why:

We’re Too Close to the Story

Writers live inside the world they’ve created. We know every motivation, backstory, and all the subplots. The backstory that isn’t on the page lives in our heads “rent free” as the kids say. We mentally fill in all of the things we know about the story as we read through it. Your brain fills in the gaps, smoothing over inconsistencies and connecting dots that were never actually drawn and not clear to other readers.

We’re Emotionally Invested

We writers form emotional bonds with our characters and often fall in love with select scenes and phrases. This emotional attachment can make us blind to, or cause us to push back against, needed changes. Cutting scenes and characters, also known as “Killing our darlings” as the saying goes, feels like a loss to us even though it usually makes a story stronger.

Sometimes we don’t really know the Story We’re Telling

We often begin writing with an idea but no clear theme. Or we have a theme but it gets lost in the logistics of plot development. The result is a story that meanders or contradicts itself. I also tend to see a lot of what I call “lopsided stories” where way too many words are spent on things that do not advance the plot or develop the character.

Hard Work Doesn’t Make It Good

We sometimes confuse “I worked hard on this” with “This is the best it can be.” But hard work doesn’t guarantee a polished end result. Rewriting, re-envisioning, and sometimes throwing everything out and rethinking it from the ground up, often lead to better storytelling.

Our Brains Want to Be Done

Writing is hard. Getting through that first draft is a triumph. So when we type “The End,” part of our brain wants it to be done. The desire to move on and submit makes us less critical of our work. We stop interrogating where the story doesn’t work.

So What Can You Do?

  • Time: Step away from your draft. A few weeks or even months can give you enough distance to see it with fresh eyes. Sometimes when I go through my “false starts” that I haven’t touched in years, I am surprised at what I see. It often feels like someone else wrote the words I am seeing. (and I mean that in both in a good and bad way).  This is the ideal kind of distance you want from your work, where you have forgotten about the story entirely and are coming at it completely fresh. Unfortunately that isn’t always practical.
  • Read your work out loud: A more immediate solution is reading your story out loud. In Steve Martin’s Masterclass he talked about how he reads his work to his cat. I will even record myself reading a story so I can play it back later and really listen. Hearing your story often reveals awkward pacing, unclear dialogue, or tonal shifts you might miss otherwise.
  • Re-outline: After the first draft, take the time to outline what you actually wrote. It often differs from your plan and can reveal plot holes. One trick I have learned, especially if if I have “pantsered” a story is to force chapter breaks and title those breaks in the story as though they were chapter headings. I do this even though I am mainly writing short stories, which don’t usually have chapter titles. It really helps me to see the plot progression and where I have sections that repeat information previously covered. It also really helps me to see where I can cut.
  • Get feedback from others: Other people have a fresh set of eyes and the advantage of knowing nothing about the story. No preconceived notions, no biases (other than these people are likely your friends so they might be softer on you than you need). Issues we tend to read past will stand out to them like a neon sign.  

Recognizing that we have literary blind spots is the first step toward better writing. Every great story was once a messy draft, written by someone who couldn’t see the flaws, until they eventually found a way to work through them, often by giving a story time and/or getting feedback from others.

-James

The Story Happens Inside the Reader’s Head

We often talk about the craft of writing as if the words on the page are the story. But that’s not quite true.

What you write isn’t the story, it’s the framework used to trigger an imaginative experience inside the reader’s mind. The real story happens inside the reader’s head.

Every reader brings their own experiences, biases, memories, and emotional context to your work. When two different people read the same story, they don’t actually experience the same story. One reader might see a character’s silence as deep introspection, another might read it as passive aggression. A setting described as “dusty and quiet” might evoke peaceful nostalgia for one reader and tension or dread for another.

It’s one of the challenges of storytelling. You have to structure what you write so that your readers fill in the blanks with their own intelligence and intuition in the way that provides the experience and emotion you intend.

This is where reading is very different from going to see a movie. When watching a movie, all of the images and sounds are pushed to us, predefined with little room for our own creative interpretation.  Because of this, the story inside the head of every member of the audience will be very similar.

When reading, a story only happens when a reader engages with your words and transforms them into sights, sounds, feelings, and meaning.

I subscribe to the theory that most of what we are trying to do when we tell a story is get people to feel. Emotion is what makes people care about what happens to the characters in the story and that keeps the pages turning.  

I also like to think of it in terms of writing to create an experience.

Be intentional, but not controlling. You can guide the experience, but you shouldn’t dictate every detail. The reader is your collaborator.

Embrace slight ambiguity. Sometimes, the most powerful moments are the ones left just a little open-ended, allowing the reader to land on their own truth. Be careful here, clarity is still king, don’t omit too much and leave the reader confused. Confusion makes the reader put down the story and walk away.

Revise with the reader’s interpretation in mind. Ask yourself: Will this paragraph spark the right images and emotions? Or am I over-explaining and closing down possibilities for the reader to work with my words to make the story their own?

A story only lives when someone interprets in within the context of themselves.

-James

Hook Your Reader by Starting With Stakes

“Andy knew this was his last chance to make things right with Cindy.”

With just one sentence, we’re already leaning in. The stakes are clear; there’s a relationship on the line. We don’t know the details yet, but we already care.

This is the power of starting with stakes.

When readers pick up a story, they’re subconsciously asking, “Why should I care?”

That doesn’t mean you need a car chase on page one. It means the story must immediately communicate that something is at risk, and that it matters deeply to someone. Stakes create tension.

Early Conflict = Early Investment

Going back to our opening line:

“Andy knew this was his last chance to make things right with Cindy.”

From this, we immediately understand:

  • There’s a broken relationship.
  • There’s urgency: a last chance.
  • There’s emotional weight: he wants to “make things right.”

We don’t know what Andy did and we don’t know if Cindy will forgive him, but we already want to see what happens.

The Mistake to Avoid

Too many stories start with background instead of conflict. A little background is fine. It helps to orient us as to what is going on and color in tone and setting. But often times I see stories where the author goes on for pages describing the setting or a scene before for we get to anything that matters to the character. The quicker you can get to the core conflict or stakes, the better.

Try This Exercise

Take the first paragraph of any story you are currently working on. Ask yourself:

  • What’s at risk here?
  • Does the character know it?
  • Will the reader care?

If the answer to any of those is “not yet,” consider revising to make sure these questions are answered.

Stakes are a promise to the reader

Keep in mind that starting with stakes is a promise to the reader. When we mention Andy’s situation in the opening line in the way we did, we are committing to our reader that by the end of the story there will be answers as to how Andy got into that situation and what the outcome will be for him.

Stakes make us care what happens and that keeps us reading.

-James

Make Believe

Make Believe comes to us from Kurt Fillmore. It has been [mistakenly] rejected by the following:

  • The Sun Magazine
  • The Atlantic
  • The Boulevard Magazine

Kurt provided the following Bio:

I was born in the central valley of California in 1960. I spent my early youth moving between Fresno, Merced, and Dinuba. After that I did a hitch with the U.S. Navy, reaching Photographer’s Mate 3rd class (E-4), and getting an Honorable Discharge in 1985. Along the way, I was writing. Some short stories, but mostly Motion Picture Screenplays. I never did sell anything, but my skills improved. I bopped from job to job, moving to Sonoma County in Northern California and getting training in Electronics technology. I began work as a Technician testing and repairing board level circuits in 1996. Various economic down turns took their toll and I was again moving from job to job. I’ve been working as a Technical Manager for a family fun center, or arcade, since 2015. After the Screen Writer’s Guild Strike I gave up on my dream of selling a screenplay and moved back to writing stories. In 2025 I made my first sale. ‘Make Believe’ is my second. I will continue writing fiction in various genres, inventing characters and situations that I hope readers will enjoy.I am active on Bluesky – where I follow writers, artists, and filmmakers.

When I asked Kurt what he loves about this story, this was his response:

As to what I love about this story, I think I love the first person immediate way it’s put together. When I wrote it I knew I wanted a back and forth between the director and the producer. Didn’t really have a plan, just let things evolve naturally.


Make Believe, by Kurt Fillmore

Charlie’s got me cornered up on a scaffolding. We’re watching as carpenters tack wood moldings down a length of wall, shots from nail guns sounding all around. Behind Charlie a pair of muscular twins, both union painters, sweep hoses over the facade, spraying brown paint in a mist and breathing through their respirators.

            In a few weeks we’ll be filming the big bank robbery scene. I’m directing, from a script that Charlie, the producer, hired a writer to bang out. But Charlie’s been messing with the story, and I’m not happy.

            “Two people come out of a building,” he says.

            “Yeah, and?”

            Charlie toys with the flaked end of his cigar, well chewed, but never lit. “I’m getting to that. It’s raining, see?”

            “We’ll have to tent the cameras and bring in a crane,” I say, “spray rigs, hoses.”

            Charlie waves off my concerns. “It’s cheap, Maxie owes me.”

            About then I hear faint strains of music.

            My one, my only prayer, is that someday you’ll care.

            Charlie’s watch chimes “It’s Only Make Believe” every hour. On set he bunches up the sleeve of his suit and presses hard against his wrist at 8:59, then at 9:59, 10:59, and so on. I think his wife got him the watch, and some color blind, long-distance trucker turned fashion consultant talked him into that white suit with the wide, cream lapels.

            I nod and check my own watch. Just two o’clock.

            The craft truck, with treasures of iced bottled water, waits two stories below.

            And Charlie stands between me and the ladder.

            “The two people walk under a street lamp and we see it’s George and Annabell.”

            I groan and look off at the horizon. The edges of Charlie’s mouth move down; the tip of his cigar sags.

            “You don’t like her,” Charlie says, “I know.”

            “I like her fine, Charlie. It’s a bit role, and what little talent the gal’s got I can work with.”

            “A bit role? I’m talking about changing that. Putting more meat into it.”

            Yeah, he’s putting the meat in all right, I think to myself.

            I lift the screenplay, rolled into a pastel blue baton, and tap a clean spot on the scaffold’s railing.

            “The last rewrite you submitted cost us three days. The one before that almost a week.” I smack the rail again, putting a crease into the paper. “No more.”

            Charlie stands straighter, takes the cigar out of his mouth and smacks his lips.

            “The story’s not done. I’m still exploring options.”

            “You’re banging Annabell.”

            “So what if I am? She’s talented. More than you with your little Clio’s and your ‘People’s Choice’ pretending to be a feature film, music video shit.”

            In this business, scriptwriters get rewritten, temperamental stars get thrown out, and directors get replaced. ‘Creative Differences’ means that somebody somewhere didn’t want to play ball. You never hear of a Producer getting the sack — and I mean never.

            “I’ll have to see the pages,” I say. “I probably won’t like ’em.”

            “Like, don’t like, whatever, you just set it up and shoot it. That’s your job.”

            “You’re trying to inflate her role. For what, a little more sack time?”

            “Stick to pointing the camera around. Leave the details to me.”

            I swear under my breath and duck under the railing, ever mindful of physics and the pavement below. I shimmy along the outside of the scaffold to the ladder and climb down, half tempted to toss the script.

            I hit bottom and march to the craft truck.

            Later that evening our little group has a banquet table at Morten’s. Charlie sits next to Annabell, who’s all thin giggles and heavy sighs. I’m across from Dan Arbrist, the money man from the studio.

            “Mike, the footage we’re getting looks great,” Dan says.

            Charlie leans in, “didn’t I tell you? The kid’s a natural.”

            Annabell nips at her lower lip, gives a shoulder-hunching grin of joy. She clings to Charlie’s arm.

            George Deveroe and Tischa Berringer sit to my right; the male buddies of our heist picture. George toys with a silver dessert spoon, moving a thin sludge of chocolate around the bottom of a serving dish. He smiles when he catches me watching.

            The last man at the table is Achmehem bin Taschem. He’s putting up two thirds of the production money. The studio, via Dan, is putting up the rest. Charlie’s the hub. He purchased the story rights from a second-rate crime novelist eager to push paperback sales.

            “There have been many delays,” Taschem says.

            “A few things,” Charlie says. “It’s in the budget allowance. Speaking of which, I’ve got a scene to add where George and Annabell come out of the Depository building.”

            Dan and Taschem stare at Charlie.

            “We need it, hand of God,” Charlie says, raising his own. “Annabell’s the wedge that comes between George and Tischa. We’ve got to show the moment they connect.”

            Charlie grabs his cigar, waves it at me. “And if Junior here would pick up the pace, it won’t cost us any extra time.”

            Now Dan and Taschem stare at me.

            “I’m right on schedule,” I say. “This is my first feature. I don’t need any delays; I want everything to go smoothly.”

            Taschem nods. “Of course.”

            Tischa pulls a cigarette from a thin, black metal case. He taps the filter hard against the metal, then stops. “Shit, we can’t smoke in here, can we?”

            “Let’s go out on the terrace,” Dan suggests.

            So out we go.

            The heat has mellowed with a soft breeze coming up from the coast. The seven of us make a rough oval; talking shop about the movie and upcoming scenes.

            Taschem opens his briefcase and lifts out a box of cigars.

            “A gesture, for everyone.” He scoops up several cigars, cuts the ends with a bronze finger tool, and hands them out.

            “To our success on this venture,” Taschem says.

            Annabell cups her cigar. “Thank you.”

            George accepts his, but Tischa declines with a wave of his smoking cigarette.

            “Are these Cuban?” Charlie asks. Taschem nods. Charlie throws the worn stub of his previous chew toy off the balcony, bites down on the new one.

            “Tischa, lend me your lighter,” I say.

            Tischa flips the lid open, spinning the striker and igniting it in one smooth, even motion. He hands it over.

            I raise the flame to the end of my cigar, but don’t light it.

            “Actually Charlie,” I say, “you’re the man tonight; the reason we’re doing this picture.”

            I lean towards him, enjoying his scowl as I raise the lighter.

            Charlie glances from face to face, smooths his suit jacket with a free hand. “That’s, well, to say”

            Taschem closes his eyes and purses his lips, waves his thick fingers beneath his own nose. “These cigars are the finest available to man. I’m sure you will enjoy their rare qualities. I relish them.”

            Annabell’s arm is looped around Charlie’s. He’s stuck and he knows it.

            “Charlie?” I ask. I grin, and light his cigar.

            Charlie sucks and the flame pulls towards the end. The tobacco smolders, lines of combustion run along the edges of the leaves. Charlie draws in again, and the end starts to glow. Another puff and smoke billows around the corners of Charlie’s mouth.

            I draw the lighter back and bring the flame to my own cigar. It’s good, though rather pungent. I lean towards George, Dan, then Taschem, lighting each in turn.

            “Charlie, are you okay?” Annabell asks.

            A flush of red shows at the hollow of Charlie’s neck. He draws away from Annabell’s grip, touches the tip of his nose with a finger. “Sweetie, I’m just…”

            He coughs and a drip of something green flips over his lower lip.

            “Excuse me,” Charlie says.

            He runs, coughing repeatedly, and drops to grab the rim of a potted palm. He pukes, and up comes seventy-five dollars’ worth of beef, rice pilaf, and Dewar’s Gold Label.

            Annabell darts towards him, legs swishing left and right, but Charlie’s already up and running to the rest room.

            Taschem tugs the sleeve of Dan’s suit. “Is he all right?”

            “I hope so.” Dan frowns, then glances my way, the whites of his eyes giving an angry flash.

            I puff my cigar. “The delays we’ve had so far, have been story-related.”

            Taschem nods.

            “Assuming no more story changes, we should stay on schedule.”

            “Very good. We add the Depository scene, and then we are done.”

            “Right,” I say, “after that, no more story changes.”

            Almost a month later and we’re on the studio back lot, getting pelted by man-made rain.

            “And – Cut!”

            The first assistant repeats my command and the camera eases to a halt. I give a thumbs up, adjust my poncho, and step away from the dolly.

            We’ve been on night shoots now for over a week. George and Tischa have played out their friendship across steel cables, along the edges of buildings, and down service access ways into bank vaults.

            “Let’s wrap,” I shout.

            “Thank God,” George says. He disengages from Annabell, steps over the chrome track and walks around to the monitor. “Can I see the playback?”

            “Sure.”

            I tap the Operator on the shoulder and he speaks into his headset mike. A moment later the LCD flat panel comes to life; and there they are, George and Annabell, walking through a backlit cascade of rain. George pulls the monitor closer, extending the rod and swivel.

            Annabell glances around, nibbles her lower lip again. Sorry kid, Charlie’s been laying low.

            George shifts the monitor to the side and waves Annabell over. She crosses the rails carefully and ducks under the camera tent. We watch the scene play out and Annabell breaks into a huge grin when she and George kiss.

            “Nicely done,” I say. “Good job George, Anne.”

            Maxie, Charlie’s brother-in-law, steps up beside me. His poncho rustles as he looks around my arm at the monitor. He nods. “Nice. Kill the rain then?”

            “Sure Max, kill the rain.”

            Max sweeps two fingers past his temple in salute. He raises a walkie-talkie, thumbs the switch, and gives an order. The rain stops and clear blackness tumbles down behind it. Maxie wanders off to see about hoses and other matters.

            Everybody removes their rain gear. The grips start tearing down stands and unhooking cables. The Operator and Focus Puller unbolt the camera from the dolly jib, then place it carefully into its aluminum crated foam.

            The First Assistant hands me a clip board with tomorrow’s schedule. “Good one Mike,” she says. “Print ’em all?”

            “Last three,” I say. Then to George and Annabell, “Call’s at six.”

            Annabell shivers as she tugs the soaked coat free from her shoulders. “How many more nights on the schedule?”

            I check. “Just two, we’re zooming right along.”

            “Now,” George says.

            I smile. “Yeah. Now.”

            All the details get tidied up and I walk away from the facades, down the pavement and along the back lot buildings towards my car. I hear water trickling from somewhere; maybe a drain. As I walk the sound gets louder, the syllables more distinct.

            I look up to the tops of the buildings. Girders and braces form triangles, shoring up what appear to be coarsely grained bricks of Brownstone buildings. An eight inch hose snakes below the truss, black against silver, held up by loops of rope.

            There is still the sound of water.

            I groan, then shift my shoulders, moving around a frigid drip that’s run down my neck. I look up and spot a stream of water escaping from the hose and arcing over like a crystal geyser into my convertible.

            My car is full of water. The body has squashed down over the tires and now rests almost on the rims. Ripples lick over the surface; dart between the headrests. A flotilla of baby ducks could paddle back to front, plunge down, and feed over the floor boards.

            Then I hear music, faint but getting closer:

My hopes, my dreams come true, my one and only you.

            Charlie and Maxie come around the corner, Charlie’s arm wrapped over Maxie’s shoulders.

            “The rain was beautiful, just beautiful,” Charlie says. “We might get an Oscar for cinematography.”

            They both stop at the sight of my convertible. Maxie laughs then cuts it short with a hand fastened to his mouth.

            “My god Mike, I’m so sorry,” Maxie says. “I thought I was losing water pressure somewhere.”

            Charlie chews a new cigar. He looks down at the sheets of water pouring over the door of my car, splashing across the pavement, and puddling at his feet. He smirks at me, lips curling up around those neon white, capped teeth.

            “I hope those Clios are water proof,” Charlie chuckles.

            “I’ll shut it off at the mains. Right now,” Maxie says.

            He and Charlie walk away, but it seems to me that they’re not hurrying much.

            I grip the door handle, and open it, letting loose the inevitable flood.

            A week later and I’m standing in a Marigold orange vestibule at Casa Charlie. Someone’s hung a neon painting of the Madonna on black velvet in the alcove on the right.

            “Mike, I’m so glad you could make it,” Mrs. Charlie says. “Did you get your car fixed up?”

            “Yes Ma’am, it’s in the shop.”

            “Call me Helen,” says Mrs. Charlie. She’s ten years younger than Charlie, and her arm flesh wobbles a bit beneath several layers of white silk. She toys with a chunk of Tiffany that hangs around her neck.

            “I hope it wasn’t expensive.”

            “Nothing that a three picture deal won’t fix,” I say.

            She laughs. “Come in and join everybody.” She steps towards the living room, then frowns back, eyes narrowed. “Yes?”

            I point to the Madonna. “One of yours?”

            “God no. Charlie won’t let me take that hideous thing down. I’m tempted to throw a drape over it whenever we entertain.”

            I chuckle and follow her.

            She gives me the short tour, and along the way I get introduced to society mavens, a few film critics, and one member of the Motion Picture Ratings Board who also attends Mrs. Charlie’s church. The house is open to the gentle night air. Festive lights fill the expansive drawing room, illuminating various groups as they move from the open bar and Hors d’oeuvres table to the Tiki torches outlining the backyard.

            Mrs. Charlie drops me off and goes to make sure the ice buckets are full. She never makes it, strutting away instead to answer the jangle of the doorbell.

            George, Tischa, and Annabell stand beside Charlie, along with another man I don’t know.

            “I’ve thought about it,” Charlie says, “and the only thing that makes sense, is that Annabell’s an FBI agent, undercover.”

            “Could be exciting,” the other man says.

            Dan the studio rep joins us, a tumbler of golden liquid over ice in his hand.

            “FBI?” Dan says.

            “You bet,” Charlie says. “If Annabell can get both guys falling in love with her, it throws their game off. And if she’s a fed, then George and Tischa are in huge danger. They could get arrested, they could get shot. It changes everything.”

            Dan sips his drink, “I thought we agreed no more changes.”

            “The story’s got to have what it needs,” Charlie says. He grins at Annabell and she wrinkles her nose like a pleased little ferret.

            “We already have a story, Charlie. You paid for it, remember?” I say.

            “That story was shit.”

            “But it’s the story we promised the studio,” I say.

            The other man’s face pales a bit. “You are gonna to make the release date? Right?”

            Ahh- another studio bean counter.

            Dan sighs. “Of course we’ll hit the date. Mike’s got thing’s moving pretty well.”

            “I don’t want any more story changes Dan,” I say. “I’ll be sweating in post just to get this thing cut the way it is now.”

            “Junior’s a little nervous is all,” Charlie says. “A woman brings in the female ticket sales, you know, the love story angle.”

            Dan’s eyebrows go up and he nods.

            “See?” Charlie says. “Drama. The kid doesn’t know how to make a good story yet, but I’ll teach ‘im.”

            I hold back any retort. After all — the producer never gets the sack.

            I spend the next hour fuming and drinking. A lady film critic pesters me about our project, asking for “just a few juicy bits, for my readers.”

            We’re standing in the backyard. The hot tub is silent. Cupped petals of frosted white plastic hold floating candles that drift across the larger body of the pool. Reflections from the Tiki torches bounce across ripples stirred up by the night winds.

            “Sorry,” I say, “the only thing juicy here is you.”

            She blushes on que then gives me her business card and pirouettes away. When I glance up from reading her phone number, she’s smiling over her shoulder at me.

            I smile back, then wander inside to freshen my vodka.

            “You should eat a little something Mike,” George says.

            I cap the bottle and glance at the tidbits on the next table. Nothing looks appealing.

            “How are the crab cakes?” I ask.

            “Not bad. Better than three shots on an empty stomach.”

            Annabell has been hovering about the food table. As much as I’ve been drinking, she’s been sneaking bites of cheese, sausages, and crackers. Now she’s grazing towards the spinach dip and pita platter.

            “I ate earlier.”

            “Don’t like party snacks?”

            “Not so much, no. What’s Annabell drinking?”

            George looks over. “White Zin, I think.”

            I nod, put my own glass down and uncork the bottle. I walk over.

            Annabell pokes half a pita chip into her mouth, then swallows quickly and tries to hide it. “Mike. Hi. How are you?”

            “I’m doing good Anne.” I raise the bottle and she smiles and holds out her glass.

            “I don’t know what year this is, but I like it,” she says.

            I fill her glass —

             — and slip my present into her handbag.

            “So tomorrow we shoot George and Tischa breaking into the vault,” I say.

            “Silly boys. They’re hogging all the glory.”

            I smile. “The story is about two guys robbing a bank.”

            “Charlie says he’s going to schedule some reshoots.”

            Something in my face puts her on the defensive. She squirms, knowing that she’s given away some secret.

            “Charlie said he wants to focus more on me, on what my character is going through.”

            I clear my throat. “Okay,” I say. “If that’s what Charlie wants.”

            “Really? You’re all right with that?”

            I shrug. “Come the day, we’ll shoot the scenes and see what happens.”

            Annabell hugs me, and I nearly drop the wine bottle. I glance around, but nobody notices my shock. She steps back, “I’m gonna have to rethink you, Mike.”

            “Rethink?” I say.

            “You surprise me,” she says, then scrapes white cream cheese and green spinach onto a cracker.

            I cock my head and grin. “Sometimes I surprise myself.”

            Later I find Charlie presiding over Dan and the studio bean counter. Dan’s eyes droop, his chin follows, and then he jerks his head upright.

            “Not boring you, am I?” Charlie asks.

            “It’s getting late,” Dan says. “I should go.”

            “You should have Mike drive you,” Charlie says.

            The other man grins. “Someone with some sobriety should drive,” he says, and Charlie laughs.

            “I’ve got to be going as well,” I say. “Charlie? When were you going to tell these gentlemen about the reshoots?”

            Charlie chokes a bit, glances from face to face. Dan is suddenly alert.

            “That was just, something I was toying with,” Charlie says.

            “Annabell seemed fairly keen on it.”

            The other man squints his eyes at Dan. “Missing the release date kills the deal.” He looks at Charlie. “The picture’s already booked. We’ve scheduled advertising, junkets, merchandising plugs. We can’t miss the date.”

            “We won’t miss the date,” Charlie says. “Mike’s just got to quit using those fancy camera setups. They take too much time.”

            Dan’s jaw flexes. “I think I’m with Mike on this one, Charlie. No more story changes, and reshoots are out of the question.”

            “It’s not a reshoot per se,” Charlie says. “Just a few pick-ups. To focus on Annabell’s FBI thing.”

            “No,” Dan says. “I can call Taschem to confirm if you want, but I know what he’ll say.”

            Charlie goes rigid, then runs his hand over his jaw, behind his ear, and into his hair. He relaxes himself.

            “Okay. Like I said, I was just toying with the idea.”

            “Fine,” Dan says. He turns and walks towards the front door, not saying goodbye.

            The other man follows.

            Charlie glares at me as soon as soon as we’re alone. He takes the cigar out of his mouth. “You think you’re smart, huh? You think you can beat me?”

            “I don’t want to beat you Charlie,” I say. “I just want to finish the picture. On time. The way it was written.”

            Charlie starts to say something but Annabell and Mrs. Charlie walk up, tittering over some girl talk.

            “Good night, Charlie,” Annabell says. “Thanks for the lovely time.”

            “You should stick around,” Charlie says, “things are just getting interesting.” He gives me a scalding look.

            “Early call you know. This film’s very important to me.”

            “You’ll have to get used to all this attention,” Mrs. Charlie says. “Once you’re a big star I’ll expect you at all my get-together’s.”

            Annabell grins and hunches her shoulders. “Okay. Sure.”

            Mrs. Charlie gives her a peck on the cheek.

            And then we all hear the music, loud and clear; My only prayer will be, someday you’ll care for me.

            Annabell digs a watch out of her handbag. Her face flushes and she gasps, as if fighting for a breath.

            “Honey,” Annabell says to Charlie, “you must have left it the last time we …” and she stops, unable to finish. She gives frightened glances at Charlie, then to me, and finally to Mrs. Charlie.

            Mrs. Charlie’s eyes go wet. Her lips push tightly together and the corners of her mouth pull down hard.

            My stomach clenches and a spasm starts in a muscle towards the back of my thigh. I don’t feel clever anymore. I feel like shit.

            “Helen, please,” Charlie says.

            Mrs. Charlie bolts for somewhere else, her waving hands leading the way. Charlie goes after her, leaving Annabell reaching for his back. Annabell whirls on me, spots my guilt, and throws the watch at my face.

            I spend a rough night, waking up several times with the sheets tangled around my legs; body coated in sweat. At about four, I throw myself into the shower, drag on whatever clothes I find in the closet, and drive my loaner to the studio.

            I wander around the bank vault set, downing my second cup of hot coffee, my mood improving.

            I stroll behind the riveted steel plates. On this side they’re just plywood sheets, braced with one by six boards held by screws. Thirty feet overhead are the catwalks where Electricians hang lights. Farther up, the roof girders are streaked with rust. Pink fiberglass spills out from torn plastic hung between the beams; reality is dirtier than illusion.

            Turn the corner and I’m back in a two story, maximum security bank with motion sensors, cameras, upper balconies, and security terminals to unlock the gleaming, chrome-plated vaults.

            But it’s not real. It’s just kids playing ‘make a fort’ with empty cardboard boxes.

            Mrs. Charlie’s face comes back to me and my stomach clenches again. I only met her the one time, but I know she’s real. Annabell’s real. Even Charlie, poor pathetic Charlie, is real.

            I sigh and drop my chin to my chest, then walk up the stairway grating to the upper balcony. Pretty soon the rest of the crew starts to arrive.

            “Do you know what you did?” Charlie says. His voice, full of gravel and venom, carries across the set. Several grips working below set up C-Stands and lights. Electricians lace cables across the floor. Nobody approaches us to ask about the first shot of the day.

            “Helen was screaming at me. Screaming.” Charlie raises his arm, pulls back his sleeve, and waves his watch in my face.

            “I showed her I still had my watch; God damn it. It took all night to try and convince her it was just a mistake.”

            I sigh, then look at Charlie’s face.

            “So. Now what?” I say.

            “Now what? You’re fired is what,” Charlie says. “You’re so fired. You’re fired back to some ad agency making ice cream commercials.”

            “Charlie,” I say, “you win.”

            “Oh, I win?”

            “Yeah, you win. Anything you want, I’ll do.”

            “Oh, now you’ll do what I tell you?” Charlie says. “Like you suddenly got smart and realized who’s in charge around here.”

            “Like I got smart and decided what’s important.”

            Charlie looks me up and down like he can’t figure out why I’ve changed my mind. The end of his cigar waves in the air as he thinks.

            “If you have to get somebody new,” I say, “it’ll just take them more time to finish up.”

            Then Charlie bristles and dismisses me with a wave of both hands. “Forget it, you’re fired. You march your ass off MY set. I’ll finish this bitch myself if I have to, but you ain’t here. Not anymore.”

            I glance around the upper balcony, from the lights above to the set floor below.

            It had been a nice ride.

            I shuffle past Charlie towards the stairs. “Try not to ruin the picture, Charlie. It was a pretty good little story.”

            “Piss off. You wouldn’t know a story if it landed on you like a bird droppings,” Charlie says. He turns away from me and heads around the balcony.

            “Charlie, stop!” I shout.

            He flips me off over his shoulder and keeps walking.

            I sprint towards him. “Charlie!”

            The crew all look at us but nobody can prevent it.

            Charlie steps past the secure, braced area of the balcony and onto the fake section.

            The balcony splits and balsa gives way, crumbling as Charlie’s bulk plunges through. He gives a surprised shout that separates him from his cigar. There’s a flash of white suit, and Charlie’s gone.

            Crew members race across the floor and I see my Second Assistant already on the walkie talkie, calling for paramedics. A Grip pulls back a wall panel, and one of the camera guys helps. Nobody gives a damn about union restrictions in an emergency.

            I creep towards the hole in the balcony and peer down to where Charlie lays, his right leg bent out from his body at an unnatural angle.

            Then we hear the music:

But it’s onnnnnlllly make – beeeelieve.

            We can’t help ourselves. Everybody on the crew checks their watches. It’s a seven a.m. call.

The ambulance finally arrives and they get Charlie hoisted onto a gurney. At the hospital, they take good care of him. The arm break is bad, but manageable. The leg’s worse, but a metal pin and a cast take care of that.

Afterward, we don’t see much of Charlie. He spends the rest of the production at home in bed, his leg in a sling, watched over by the ever-dutiful, and ever-possessive, Mrs. Charlie.

Filming moves forward and something shifts.

We shoot the remaining scenes as written, no delays, no rewrites.

Post goes great; the music and sound effects come together like we’d planned it that way all along.

At the first screening, everyone claps. Some of the crew even cheer. Once the film gets released it brings in solid box office numbers. A weight lifts off my shoulders I didn’t even know I was carrying.

I’m offered another project, and for once, I don’t hesitate. Even the lady film critic calls back.

George and Tischa split off for solo roles, each with nice salaries.

            And Annabell?

She got nominated for Best Supporting Actress.

            I guess she really was talented all along.

Going Beyond Stereotypes: Revealing Core Traits that Make Characters Real

There are two extremes when creating characters: making them too consistent or too chaotic. One leads to cardboard cutouts and the other creates confusion. Real people aren’t like that and neither are great fictional characters.

The Myth of Consistency

In real life, character traits shift with emotion, and context. A nun might swear. A stoic father might cry at a movie. Even the most cheerful friend can act cold and distant.

People (and good characters) are more layered than the stereotypes we often rely on.

Core Traits and Their Edges

Every person (and character) has core traits that outline who they are. Think of it as their character framework. The key is to show not just the traits, but the edges of their idiosyncrasies and often morality. Where do they bend? Where do they break? What caused them to do the thing you never thought they would do?

A good trick is to use contrast.  For example, A loving mom who loses her cool. A selfish character that donates anonymously. These moments tell us more about who they are than consistent stereotypes ever could.

Think about all the different moods you saw in your family members in growing up. The loving mother who put your artwork on the fridge and called Grandma to brag about it is the same person who might go off the rails yelling at you when your socks don’t make it into the hamper.

If done well, these moments shouldn’t contradict who the person is but instead reveal their character and endear them to the reader. Those “out of the norm” moments are the moments we can best relate to.

The “What Are They Like?” Shortcut

When someone asks you, “What are they like?” you usually distill a person into a few key traits, often with a “but”:

“She’s really stingy, but she spends a lot on her dog.”

That one sentence gives us:

  • Her frugality
  • Her emotional attachment to her pet
  • but also a glimpse of her contradictions

It also makes us wonder why she is that way. Why is the dog of such importance that she readily spends money on it? Is there something that happened in her past where she has a hard time with people and can only relate to pets? Or did she lose a pet when she was a child, maybe because of something she failed to do to take care of it, and is now overcompensating in order to atone?

Writing Exercise: Bring It to Life

  1. Choose a character you’re working on.
  2. Ask yourself: “What are they like?”
  3. Try to include a “but” in your answer.
  4. Then write a single line of dialogue about them. It should be something another character might say.

Example: “He’s totally unreliable, but he’s the first person I would ever call in a crisis.”

That not only tells us something, but it also hints at what’s lurking beneath the surface. It also sets up the story for a later explanation as to why that character is the way they are. It’s a good hook that keeps the reader engaged.

Great characters are made by revealing the edges of their core traits. This makes them relatable. Show those core traits, then show where they stretch, or even break, under pressure.

-James

Time is Relative

This week we have a wonderfully touching story by Laura McCorry.

Laura McCorry (she/her) is a writer, yoga teacher, and baking enthusiast who lives outside of Washington, DC. Her work has appeared in Poetry Quarterly. Connect with her at lauramccorry.com or on IG, @lauramccorrywrites

This piece has been [mistakenly] rejected by the following publications:

  • Analog Science Fiction and Fact
  • Kenyon Review
  • LCPL Short Story Contest
  • Intrepidus Ink
  • Haven Spec

When I asked her what she loves about this story this was her response:

The desire for more time with our loved ones is universal and it hits the hardest after loss. I really love the question in this piece–what amount of your own life would you give up in order to have another hour with someone who has died? I like that there’s no right or wrong answer. But I also like when magic work-arounds have limits and consequences because death is the one rule we all must obey.


Time is Relative

by Laura McCorry

The baby cries. I roll over, ready to ignore her before I remember Sal’s not here. He won’t change her diaper and bring her to me ever again. I stumble to her bassinet. The room is bathed in silvery shadows from the streetlight outside. The wind whips around the house and the oak tree’s bare knuckles rap against the window pane.

I hold Pearl close to my chest. It’s not supposed to be like this. She cries harder and cries escape my own mouth, a rip tide to her waves. Pearl screams while I change her diaper, screams while I wash, screams as I bring her back to bed with me. She only quiets when I feed her. 

If I close my eyes, it feels like before. Pearl is nestled in the center. I can pretend our two bodies curve around hers. I can pretend there was no car crash, no knock on the door, no carousel blur of days I don’t want to remember, but do.

#

Someone is knocking at the door. I’m grumpy about being woken, even though it’s light outside. I pull on a robe, hurrying to get there before they wake Pearl. But it’s not a neighbor or one of the church ladies. 

It’s a man in a grey suit who doesn’t take off his hat. He holds a tan suitcase horizontal to the ground and shakes down four collapsible legs.

“I’m not interested,” I say, already closing the door.

He opens the suitcase. Four rows of gleaming brass watches and jewelry catch the sunlight, but it’s the sign inside the lid that’s caught my attention: Time is Relative.

My biggest regret is that I didn’t meet Sal sooner. I spent so many years alone, or with the wrong person, which is worse. And Pearl was our miracle baby. Whenever I complained about those lost years, when we didn’t know each other, before we had Pearl, he always told me, “Time is relative. I’m here now, aren’t I?” 

It feels like a sign.

There’s a gleam in the salesman’s eye when I open the door wide.

“Aha, for the young mother with sleepless nights.” He lifts a locket off the blue velvet and holds it up. “Put a picture of your little one on one side and read every upcoming scrape or illness on the other.” 

I try to imagine Pearl running on the sidewalk and falling down. Pearl when she’s school-age, lying on the couch with a fever. But all I see is Pearl clutched in my arms in our dark room, crying as if she’ll never stop. And why should she? I shake my head, retreating.

The man holds up a finger. “No, I see now. It’s not the future that troubles you.” 

He picks up a long chain. At the end is a golden disc, encircled by a golden band. He flicks the disc and it spins freely inside the band. He stops it and slides his long fingernail along the edge to open a latch. It’s a pocket watch.

“For the lonely heart that wants more time,” he says, holding it out to me.

A bird calls from high in the tree. My eyes stay riveted on the watch. It sways at the end of the chain and I think maybe it pulls toward me. Then it’s in my hand.

“Now, this piece is special indeed.” His voice is honey over cooled magma. “It works just like a regular watch, see? And you never need to wind it.”

The metal backing feels warm in my palm, as if I’ve held it a long time already. As if it belongs in my hand.

The salesman leans forward and indicates a knob on the side. “But if you turn the hands backwards, you can bring back someone you’ve lost for a night.”

My fingers clench it tight, the metal biting into my skin.

“Why one night?” My heart gallops, ready for night even as the sun climbs higher.

“Well, you can have as many nights as you choose,” says the man. It’s hot, but he doesn’t remove his jacket and his brow is dry. A rivulet of sweat rolls down my neck into the too-thick robe I threw on over my breastmilk-stained shirt.

“What’s the catch?” I ask.

“The catch?” He raises both eyebrows, feigning innocence.

“Yeah, the bait and switch, the hidden cost.” I’m holding the watch but it can’t be real. It can’t be what he says it is.

“There’s no catch,” he says, almost laughing. “It’s an exchange.” He taps the sign, Time is Relative. “We can’t go around breaking the laws of physics.”

I narrow my eyes at him. I should put it back. Go inside and shut the door. I should pick up Pearl who is awake now, babbling in her crib. I don’t do any of that.

“You can wind it up to six hours backwards each night. Your loved one will come back to you for that many hours,” he explains.

The watch glints gold beneath my fingers. Pearl starts to cry, wondering where I am. She’s not desperate yet.

“In exchange,” he stresses the word, “you will lose a year off your own life.”

“A year each night?” I ask, calculating.

“A year for every hour,” he says, his voice a loosed arrow.

My heart falls like a stone, crashing against my ribs. It’s hard to breathe. Pearl is crying in earnest now. The man holds my gaze, pretending to wait for my answer, as if he doesn’t already know.

“I’ll take it,” I say. My hand closes around the watch and I hold it to my chest.

The man touches the brim of his hat and shuts the suitcase. I don’t wait to watch him leave.

#

Sal’s place is empty at the dinner table, the watch nestled on its chain on his placemat. Sometime today I became afraid of it. I don’t want to touch it, but I can’t tear my eyes away. Outside the window, the sky is a blaze of orange. Pearl isn’t eating anymore, just throwing her food on the floor. 

Inevitability hangs in the air as if I am watching a movie about my own life. I’m waiting for darkness and wondering when it will be night—the question I should’ve asked. I settle Pearl for sleep, knowing she’ll be up again soon.

I walk away from her crib, holding the watch by the chain. The mattress sinks beneath me as I turn on Sal’s bedside lamp. I open the latch. My fingertips grasp the knob and I turn the minute hand backwards. Fifty-seven, fifty-eight, fifty-nine. I’m so careful not to go past the hour mark that my hands are sweating. Then I drop the watch onto the nightstand like a hot coal. 

How long do I have to wait? Should I unlock the front door? 

Then a weight settles next to me on the bed. I turn and fall against him. My hands on his face, in his hair. His mouth on mine, a magnetic pull I’m powerless to resist. And it’s the same as it’s been a thousand times before. And it’s new because I’m sobbing the whole time.

“It’s okay,” Sal says, his eyebrows drawn together.

He doesn’t know he died, I think. 

He smooths back my hair. “It’s okay,” he says again. He always hated to see me cry. But it’s not okay and it’s never going to be okay. His words can’t change anything.

Pearl wakes with a hiccough and a cry. Sal goes to her and she settles on his shoulder. I take a picture with my phone even though it’s dark. Desperate to save something that can’t be saved. Then I go to them and wrap my arms around his waist, resting my head on Pearl’s small back, breathing in her clean scent, feeling the rise and fall of her breath. 

It has to be enough. It will never be enough.

#

Sunlight streams through the window when I wake. There’s a delicious moment before I open my eyes when I’m aware of being well-rested for the first time in months. I stretch my legs under the covers, luxuriating in the swipe of cotton against my skin. My body feels lithe and strong, like it used to be before I had Pearl.

I reach for my phone and check the photos. But the last photo is of Pearl in a baby swing yesterday afternoon.

It’s so quiet. Too quiet.

I fling back the covers. The crib in the corner is empty. She just learned how to climb out of it last week. My heart thuds outside of my chest. Panic swells behind my eyes. There’s a noise in the kitchen and I run down the hall. 

Pearl is sitting in the middle of the tiled floor. Her chubby feet are touching each other, knees bent for stability. She has a look of intense concentration on her face. Gold flashes against the ceiling. I clutch my chest, panting. She’s holding the watch and her tiny fingers are turning the knob backwards.

Changing the approach

I’ve heard that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.  For fiction writing there is truth to that, as you have to be a bit insane to pursue fiction writing with an expectation of getting paid to do it.

The saying has me thinking about changing my approach to see if I can a few more land sales.

My current process is:

  1. Wait until inspiration strikes (if ever) and write a story
  2. Find a market that the story might fit and submit
  3. Get a rejection then GOTO step 2

A better approach might be to:

  1. Target a market that suits me
  2. Write something appropriate for the market and submit
  3. Get a rejection and GOTO step 2

The new approach requires me to abandon that whimsical, spur-of-the-moment, writing that occurs when an idea for a story hits me.  There is fantasy in my head that all of the great fiction authors operated by writing whatever the hell they felt like. It feels wrong to force myself to deal with the hand-cuffing constraints of catering to a specific market. My creative side wants its freedom, dammit!

But there is also an analytical side of me that likes this surgical approach — dissecting the stories they have bought, feeling through the structure, the language, looking for the fingerprints in the tales that made those first readers and editors salivate like Pavlov’s dogs.

So who is my victim target market?

I have picked out Points in Case. They do funny well and I do like me some funny.  They publish funny lists and I feel like a funny list is a reasonable bar to hurdle; the word count is relatively low so my thinking is that I should be able to come up with list stories pretty quickly.

In practice, however, making a funny list is harder than it seems. As the individual “funny” items are added to the list, you start to question your ability to determine if something is funny or not.  Sometimes things I think are funny are just weird, or worse yet, offensive.

I have already submitted one list story to P.I.C., which was promptly rejected. I currently have another one sitting with them that I like a lot better. Whether or not it gets accepted is up to the fiction gods at this point (and we know how finicky they can be) but, then again, that’s all part of the craft.

Have you tried writing to specific markets before? If so, let me know in the comments how that worked out for you.

-James