Category Archives: Editing help

Opening Lines: Hook Your Reader from the Start

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Opening lines are first impressions — you only get one chance to get them right.  I see a lot of stories where writers mess up this critical point in their stories. Here are a few of the mistakes I see:

The Warm-Up Paragraph

This is often a general “vibe” type statement that can sometimes be preachy.  These are paragraphs that attempt to set the tone of the story before you are actually into the story. I think these come from the writer not knowing where their story is headed when they start writing. Later on, the story’s form becomes solid but this paragraph tends to stick around when it should have been removed.  A great test to see if you have an opening that is necessary is to ask: Is anything lost if I cut this?  If not, take it out. A general rule I have is that every sentence should serve to develop character or advance the plot.

Starting with Over-Description of Setting

A little of this is good to orient the reader but long passes explaining every little detail of a room or worse yet, the weather, can work against you. If the story is about a weatherman, then yes, that might be necessary but typically starting with the weather does little to add value to the story or pique the reader’s interest.  While the reader is parsing these descriptions, they are asking themselves “Yeah, okay, so what?” in other words: why is this important? Why should I care?  You don’t get much time to answer that before they decide to stop reading.

The Info-Dump

This is where writers try to get out all of the logistical and technical information before getting the reader hooked on the story. Oftentimes this happens because the world is complex and operates differently from ours (frequently the case in Sci-fi stories) so there are a lot of details as to how things work. Just like too much detail on setting, this burdens the reader before getting them hooked.  The way to think of this is that while they may need to know this information, do they necessarily need to know it right away?   Take for example James Bond movies; there is usually a scene where Q explains how all the technical gadgetry works, which is important as you will see Bond use these things later on. We can’t skip the explanation or that would feel like a cheat if you suddenly see advanced technology come out of nowhere and get 007 out of a scrape. But this info-dump often happens in the middle of the movie after we’re already invested. What do we usually see in the beginning of a bond move to hook us? Some action scene where 007 suavely and narrowly escapes. It’s often only tangentially related to the main plot line, but it does a great job establishing the character and setting the hook.

 Structure your stories the same way, offer just enough to hook the reader early on, and sprinkle in the technical exposition along the way. Just make sure these moments feel as organic and natural to the story as possible. The reader can sense when they are being force fed information.

How to do it right:

The goal of the opening lines should be to hook the reader — typically by establishing stakes and introducing the core conflict. We need to know why we should care about what is going on.  Make them want to know what happens next. Action is great way to open stories. By its nature, action implies a character is involved with conflict, either moving toward something they want or away from something they fear. It gets us to stakes and conflict right away.

Start by showing what the protagonist wants and let us know what’s at stake if they don’t get it.  If you can also show why the protagonist can’t have what they want, or what insurmountable barriers stand in their way, it’s even better.

-James

I are bad at grammar

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My Mom is good friends with my high school English teacher, Connie. I took advantage of this relationship at our families 4th of July celebration by hitting up Connie to take an editorial look at a few of my stories.

This is, of course, a huge favor to ask, so I was thrilled when she agreed and quickly sent off three stories that I think might be an enjoyable read for her .

This weekend we met at Mom’s house to go over some of Connie’s edits to my writing. Within minutes it was easy to tell that Connie’s a pro.  She has been teaching for decades and has the stuff down cold.

The funny part to me was how both my Mom and Connie suggested that I should “start submitting” and “really try to get published.”  They were so kind in the way they both went on about how great my stories are, but they didn’t know that I really have been trying to get published for a few months now.

I am sure that I am probably at the point where I am a little better at crafting a story than most High School students, but that’s only because at this point in my life I care about writing.  It’s not too hard to stand out against a room full of kids who would rather be texting each other than working on an <ugh!> writing assignment.

And God knows I could scribble out anything and my Mom would want to make forty copies of it for the relatives then put it up on the fridge.

The positive response to my writing was very flattering, and I do think encouragement is crucial to keep a beginning writer from throwing in the towel, but there is also a danger in feeling too confident. That danger lurks as a failure to learn as you go; the danger of thinking you know it all already.

I see a lot of people, some friends even, who have conflict in their lives and choose to blame it on some external cause. They tend to focus on how they have gotten screwed over; their helpless role as the victim of cruel circumstances supposedly beyond their control.

While I disagree with the attitude they have toward their problems, I also pity them.  By playing the victim they have stifled their own ability to deal with issues they face.

I have found that if I try to see the role my own hand played in a problem, either through some incorrect action I took, or more often, an action I failed to take, then I can at least be better prepared to face those same types of problems in the future.

Knowledge works the same way.  Once you feel you have something mastered, a person tends to get comfortable. You stop learning.  And stagnating is dying, my friend.

Of course, I still blame all of my literary stumbling on how dammed picky Editors are.

Fonzie takes another hit.

While writing this post (8/23/10), I received another rejection from Fantasy and Science Fiction magazine for the Little Green Fonzie story (Submitted on 8/14/10).

Of course, after receiving edits from Connie, and Ian, another person I asked to help me, I can understand why an Editor may not be able to get past the first few sentences.

And while it sucks to be rejected, I do really like F&SF’s super fast turn around time.  Considering time in limbo traveling around the various USPS offices, nine days is getting right on it.

James